I went surfing yesterday, with the full knowledge that my coast is a frigid collaboration of the Irish Sea and Arctic Ocean. You do not know cold until you have ran, swathed in nothing more than a flimsy wetsuit, into the Arctic Sea (see what I did there?). At first I didn't think it was too bad. My feet were instantly numbed by the water and things were going well. Then I came across my first wave. Trying to keep my head dry at all costs, I threw myself and the board over the wave, my entire torso getting covered in liquid ice.
My first (MIND BLANK, SMALL WORD WARNING) try at getting on the board was laughable. I was pushed swiftly by the freezing foam, and began the swift ascent into the standing position. Somehow I lost my balance, fell, and was completely engulfed in the water. It was like I had been struck by a thousand brain-freezes as I madly tried to decipher which way was up. Finally, I breached the surface and wiped my eyes, just in time to see my vertical surfboard crash down before me. I barely had time to glance before the thing smashed down on my head. I fell into the water again, feeling even worse than before.
To sum up the next ten minutes (hypothermia would have been the outcome if I had stayed any longer >>;, it consisted of vain attempts to get aboard and fretting about my purple hands. In the end it was just too cold, so I came out. That wasn't the end of my troubles, though. Carrying the light-weight board was more difficult than you could ever imagine. If I turned the board just the tiniest angle from the direction of the wind, it grabbed the board and tugged so much that I just felt like letting go. To add insult to injury, it started to hail millions of tiny icy bullets on my frigid, stinging face. I got into the car and sulked and cried for a little while.
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