Hey there, non-existant blog-readers. Haven't talked to you (myself) in quite a while. I'd like to say I was busy with exams, but I didn't study; I could lie and tell you I was out making the most of my life, but nobody really does that; I might just say nothing and continue with the post, but I'm going to tell the truth. I was on Zelda Universe.net, mindlessly skimming over the pages of idle, pointless chatter in the OoC Thread and everywhere else.
My two-year anniversary is coming up, and the summer holidays. I have to say I'm looking forward to both (the latter, infinitely more) but the first I find also a cause for contemplation. How has ZU changed my life?
I'm secretive. My parents don't know that I devote so much of my time (well, the process of writing, which I like to think includes conversation with others). They don't know that my fantastic marks in English don't come from the sub-par, meaningless time I spend in class, but from my perseverence in ZU's Dome and the Amphitheatre as a whole. Zelda Universe shaped my writing ability, undoubtedly, and for that I am grateful.
My parents don't know that I hide from the real world - the boring, disgustingly monotonous real world - in my writing. In there I can wisk away to somewhere so much more fun and exhilarating; somewhere that lets me forget that I have how many weeks of school left, or that I am sixty-eight years away from my expected age of death. In the same respect, however, RP'ing is much too demanding. Sometimes the world, is perfect, blissful, picturesque. I could be doing nothing with my friends, or on holiday, completely satisfied with my life, when the niggle of a waiting RP presses into my head. This is one of my biggest issues with ZU.
I'm lazy. Sometimes I just want to sit and watch television, read a book, or listen to music, but I can't, because some role-play I don't give a damn about needs me to post. I have to go and start up my computer, research someone's character I don't care about, then write something using the actions of only one charcter. Writing needs perspective from everyone; it needs flow, reality. To describe the actions of only one participant just because the other writer believes you are acting 'out of character' is aggravatingly frustrating. I couldn't care less about 90% of the characters I read, but trying to write without including them is impossible. Writing with them just leads to endless annoyance and confusion.
Off topic. Don't get me wrong. I genuinely did enjoy my two years here, but it's time to take the next step into the world of writing. RPs were like riding a bike with stabilizers: safer, more controllable, but ultimately a deflated experience. Writing a novel, a novella, a short story or anything that uses the mind in its complex, creative, unstabilized brilliance is where the real passion in literature lies. I will be so sad to put the fantastic experience of being a Councillor behind me, but I think it has to be done.
This sounds like a eulogy. Ironic, isn't it? Eulogies for a non-existant audience.
P.S. I'm feeling surprisingly emotional about this whole thing.
2 comments:
This is the point where I go, "OMG so much WORD." Slang does have its uses, :)
You've hit the nail squarely on its head with this quote: "Sometimes the world, is perfect, blissful, picturesque. I could be doing nothing with my friends, or on holiday, completely satisfied with my life, when the niggle of a waiting RP presses into my head."
There truly does come a time when the world is perfect, blissful, and picturesque, and you just want to embrace it. There are times when you want to write on your own terms - no one else's characters, no one else's imagination - everything is your sweet, sweet own. Roleplaying can be a beautiful experience, an occasional challenge, but sometimes it should remain just that: an experience, an occasion. There's nothing so powerful as facing your own imagination, as tackling the genius within yourself, as pouring all your love and concentration into something that rings true with you, without the distractions of working and keeping up with other people all the time.
Now I don't feel so isolated in my self-imposed exile from ZU and the BA. Yay for riding bikes without stabilizers!
That is fast becoming my favourite analogy. I've used it about five times on ZU to explain my leaving xD.
I am annoyed that I don't actually have much to say about the rest of your reply. I just have to agree with you completely.
Oh no. I had a dream about ZU last night. Someone has replaced my spot on the Council =O Fixation is bad.
Berk. I feel like just dropping my RPs now, but I vowed to continue! I shall shower, finish my training assignment for Zorolo then post in one thing or another. I feel so guilty sitting on the computer while today is the longest day of the year! (Does that mean it's the summer solstice?) I should be doing fun, adventurous things! My friends I had planned to spend the day with are all up at the seaside, though, and I'm looking after my insane ten-year-old cousin.
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